Grief in the Loss of a Loved One—Transition and the Bereavement Process

BEREAVEMENT

Grief in the Loss of a Loved One—Transition and the Bereavement Process

We continue to examine the transitions in our life that induce a sense of loss which often lead to the feelings such as a deepening grief that we experience in our lives. As we enter into the final week of November, we remember those loved ones that have uniquely touched our lives and gone before us. During these times of transition and loss, many deeply feel the grief, the process of bereavement that accompanies the loss and void often left in our lives. Grief is very personal and individual for each individual, and every person is impacted by it differently. Your personality, your support system, your natural and past ways of coping and many    other factors will determine how this loss will affect you. There are no specific established rules, no schedule, and no expected exact timeline that is predicted for each of us as we enter into this difficult process. Some people can enter a stage of understanding and feeling better after a few weeks or months, and for others it may take years. As mentioned in the last article in the bulletin entitled “Dealing with Grief and Bereavement” it is important that you imitate the Lord Himself and handle yourself with care. Be good to and gentle with yourself during these times of change and loss. Envelope yourself with patience, compassion and God’s love as you allow the process to unfold.

Colleague David Kessler joined with Elizabeth Kubler Ross later in her life to illustrate the stages and phases of grief in context of many years of review. On Grief and Grieving is Elisabeth Kübler-Ross' final legacy book, one that brings her life's work to fruition in a profound way. As these scholars have stated, “The stages have evolved since their introduction, and they have been very misunderstood over the past three decades. They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss as there is no typical loss. Our grief is as individual as our lives. The five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling but they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order.”

 Denial: This can’t be happening.
 Anger: Why did this happen? Why did God do this to me and our family?                   Bargaining: Make this not happen and I will...                                                                
Depression: I can’t handle this; I’m too sad to do anything. 
 Acceptance: I acknowledge that this has happened, and I cannot change it. I can cope in the these ways . . .

Through Kubler-Ross’ and Kessler’s work, others have noted additional phases or adaptations such as: An Upward Turn: where you may start to adjust a little more, become a little calmer, more organized and experience depression or sadness less often and Reconstruction and Working Through which may include thinking a little more clearly and consistently day to day as you find yourself seeking and implementing more ways to cope and solve problems faced. Both the Upward Turn and Reconstruction and Working Through lead to Understanding, Acceptance and Hope.